I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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