My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
