so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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