I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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