TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
