I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
