If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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