The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
