He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
