I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
