im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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