we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
how does that bad decision feel?
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