my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
