Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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