HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
