Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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