Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
