Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
