So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize