I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
