My Higher Power is John Stamos
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
