Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
