She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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