dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
