I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
