Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Randomize
