you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When are your genitals available?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
