You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
