I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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