garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
