u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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