I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
