My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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