I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
