I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can vaginas get frostbite?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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