She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
