I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
