your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
