I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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