Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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