Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I look better un-naked...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
