My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
