chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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