So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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