No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
