The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
