Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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