Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
