also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
