If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
