Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
