So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
