So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
