Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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