1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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