What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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