i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
