he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
