I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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