Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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