I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
