Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We have started to decorate penises.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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