I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
