I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
