you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
