He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
