I want to have your abortion
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
