Your mouth is God's brothel.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
