if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
