Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
