I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
