She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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