He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
