I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
