shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We talked him into tasing himself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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