trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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