I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
