dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
