Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
