i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
