Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
